Life and times of mediocrity.

Something tells me the more I do this the worse things will get but hey, good guys don’t get away with doing bad shit.

High school never ends

I can deal with it when people in the street take the piss about what I look like etc. because they don’t know who I am what I stand for and to be honest they’re just some cunt probably with a shitter life than I have but when someone from my past decides to hack into their brothers facebook account and take the piss out of me purely for fun, behind the cover of the internet, that stings it really stings. Luckily I’m in a place where I have different friends from different backgrounds and even at college I have friends who are the exact same people who would normally take the piss out of me, so I’m not in a posisition where I’m gonna break down and cry. But it’s just the fact that I have the luxury of being in a college full of scum that are either my friends or just leave me alone but it’s just someone from a time when people really didn’t like me coming back to try and make me feel shit…urgh. This is just one long ramble, I’m tired and that cigarette just made me feel sicker than I already felt.

Guitar

I can write good rhythm I just know that I cant do a solo… I know I am good enough to learn one if I could be arsed just why can’t I get that feeling of the music flowing into me that I feel I deserve.

The uneducated.

(this is not anti religeon rather, pro intelligence) You know what I have just decided makes me angry people who follow religeon and say they are religeous but they are blindly following the basic rules, I feel this mostly happens in christianity as in the third world people are still brought up believing god(s) word must be followed but in the UK we still call ourselves (I’m not christian) christian and think that blindly following the Ten commandments and nothing else will get them to heaven. Ok thats fair enough but your all fucking idiots educate yourself, I’m sorry Nanny Deirdre but OK you’re not hurting anyone by going to church on a sunday and being a good listener to the Vicar but have you ever sat there and thought about your existence, I think it’s bullshit that God would want lambs I think a true believer will question his/her existence and Gods existence. The bible is there to tell stories from peoples viewpoint but you know what they may have met God but their not you, don’t let some book tell you what to do sit there and think if you wanna believe in God, pick Philosophy for your A level. I’m just a teenager thinking everything is shit but you know what I at least like to educate myself on the deeper world (its a shame I fucked my A levels and cant carry on Philosophy any more). 

but i’m still thinking about what I’m gonna give up for lent…..FYI if anyone says smoking, im not gonna listen simples.

oh my LORD!! lol im suppose to be a roman catholic and i lotally forgot when lent is! it finishes tmoz! whata fail, god is gonna frown on me HARDCORE.

Lol jus a bit if its any concellation god will frown upon me forever as I’m a non believer sorry if it offends ya x

This is going on failbook. ( My cheeky addition there)

he wudnt frown on you, he dont frown on anyone, until they sin then yes and you havent sinned THAT bad as far as ive known lol r u a rapist or murderer? lol c

TIME TO POINT STUFF OUT.

1) You’re fucking up your body by smoking God wouldn’t want that. An example of what millions maybe billionons of religeous people do but ignore to suit them.

2) You just totes blasphemed newb.

3) You call your self a catholic and you forget lent the period of time when even non believers also partake in?

4) You don’t seem fussed that God will be annoyed.

5) NO not believing in God will get you sent to hell just as much as murder. And last time I checked not believing in God isn’t a little mini sin.

(fuck reading this over)

Hypocrite (things will be muddled I decided to embrace the fact I can’t bear to read over what I write)

I think I want a bit of disaster in my life instead of petty little things to cry about. I really need to cry though I used to cry all the time now it just doesn’t happen I had to squeeze a couple tears out on the phone today just to feel something negative other than anxiety and nervousness, yeah that’s right I cried for attention have I really become that unloved. I just don’t feel properly loved, my mums stopped babying me cause…well I’m 18, I’m not feeling love from…other places and as muc as one or two people are helping me pass the days we all know love from friends is not the same as that from a family or a partner. Things just seem a bit pointless. I just feel so neutral I have no overall feeling I’m just manipulated by the way the day pans out if it’s a good day I feel good, if it’s a bad day I feel bad. My views and opinions changing by the second as each new thing happens and as I strive to have the opposite opinion to everyone else. Theres a couple things I could do right now that would be so stupid and crazy but yet damn fun in the short term and who knows could end up amazing and great fun… but I hate change and I hate risk, I hate being loud and I hate trying to be the life of the party, I hate trying to obey everything and I hate the fact that you can never be right, I hate…I hate a lot of things I don’t know what I like, I like guitar and I like the internet,I like to just sit down with a couple of friends and have a laugh and I miss quite a few of my old friends. I hate the fact Im paying taxes and I hate the fact I’m saving up for more important things than COD4. I hate the way everything non material hasn’t cracked up to be as I hope it was yet everytime I’m kicked down, I’ll keep coming back thinking that it’ll be the best thing ever. Why can’t everyone just agree with me and accept my word as gospel. Why can’t I just beat the living shit out of someone who just annoys me. Why can’t I be as clever as I used to think I was. Why can’t I be a lot of things, I think there is one or two minor (lol) issues I need to change and I think I’ve got it good but no matter how great you feel you come home wanting that little extra. We take everything for granted and when we loose it we appreciate it and when we get it back we take it for granted again. Mr. Smith doesn’t care about finally making it back alive, safe and healthy because he works at Starbucks but say one day hes walking back from work and he gets stabbed next thing he knows he wakes up in hospital fighting for his life… lets say he recovers and feels fine next month he’ll stop appriciating he almost died and be really upset again that he can’t go to the pub because hell only have enough for a couple pints instead of getting trashed like he wanted to.

I dunno where this is going… I felt like brainstorming.

Self Preservation Society

I’ve done nice things for people…for my own gratification. I don’t think I have ever but my self in harms way to help people and I don’t think I ever will.

Taking revenge on things that never happened….

To be continued I just realised I have 5 mins left of college -_____-.

Sick feelings…

I has them